How to show respect to your man
I love men. The way they move, their confidence, the way they check with their eyes the parameters of every new space they enter. I love their protective attitude towards the smaller and more vulnerable than them. I love their kindness and the softness in their heart. I love the way they focus and direct things, spending many hours until they find a way to a suitable solution, endlessly fascinating. And of course I love the way they handle the hard stuff, from operating the lawnmower to opening jars, killing spiders, etc.
I grew up in an environment where, according to cultural norms, love for men was reserved. From clumsy fathers who feed their children chocolates and cakes for breakfast to comical but idiotic attitudes and moods. The image of men in our culture has served to portray them as stupid and superfluous.
My daughter, who is now fifteen, has a less clear definition of masculinity. She enters a world where men nurture her "metrosexuality" or "urban sexuality" – perfectly groomed, enthusiastic, bald men who can go hand in hand when it comes to choosing wedding details, favoring color for curtains. Let me tell you, my head is spinning.
In my opinion, the best thing about men is their difference from women. It's also one of the most frustrating things about them. I can understand the constant push being made all over the world to create a gender neutral ground where we can all communicate in the same language instead of trying to speak two different versions of each other. On the other hand, if we do not have masculinity in a man or femininity in a woman, we will have nothing left to attract each other. Neutral things do not fulfill us, there is no spark.
As a woman I enjoy diversity between the sexes, physical and every other diversity. I know many women around me who hate men. I'm not even sure if they're aware of it, but the way they talk about their husbands, brothers, fathers is so irritating and with a dose of sarcasm that I'm embarrassed to listen to sometimes. I know, I find myself in a situation where at certain times I think and talk about men in such a way.
In my marriages, one failed one and my current one, I have discovered a few things that are truly respectful of the men who have been in my life. I learned that from the mistakes I made throughout my life. Don't get me wrong that I equate them with perfection, sometimes I fail in judging the opposite sex, but I always remind myself how much I really love men. They are amazing and I really think they deserve female recognition.
And the secret is – are you really ready for this? – they live for it. In fact, if a man is not respected and appreciated by a woman, he disappears. Sometimes, he literally walks away and sometimes he questions his status in the relationship. He craves gratitude, recognition and respect. Please allow me to state properly. I am not talking about approval here. It implies a powerful dynamic, more like a mother's approval (or disapproval) of her son. They don't want that.
How to express respect to your husband? I speak of respect as an open expression of gratitude. It's that simple. It brings you all the groceries you need. You thank him. He fixes the dishwasher. You are calm despite all his wrong methods and new attempts, you are there but you still stand aside so that when he finishes the job regardless of the result you can give him a kiss and thank him for all the effort he has put in.
Sounds pointless to you, I know. I am not saying to do it in an artificial and insincere way. In fact, he will know if he receives a false compliment from you. Honestly, aren't you glad he's the one who brings you all the groceries? Aren't you glad he fixed your dishwasher so you don't have to wash by hand? And after all, aren't you grateful for his kindness, generosity, and willingness to do anything to please you?
Showing him a genuine expression of your gratitude at some point is like putting a coin in the bank of your relationship. You are investing in the future of your relationship with every smile, every kind word, every touch and thank you.
Men are naturally very kind and benevolent souls. When women have some demands from men they get burdened and feel constricted. You can tell a man what you want, in fact you should. Contrary to women's beliefs, the fact is that men do not read minds. They want a woman who knows what she wants and knows how to express it. But let's be clear that doesn't mean kneeling down and haggling to get what you want.
I knew a woman who had absolutely no desire to orally satisfy her husband, and normally wanted a diamond ring for their tenth anniversary. Finally she did the math." I will give you oral pleasure every time you part with $100 for my ring. " After a certain period he got bored oral sex why didn't his wife introduce novelties and a dose of passion and stop putting money aside.
Yes, a man can get bored of oral sex. How is that possible? Because she knew that for her it was just a means to reach the desired goal. I know only a few men who are satisfied with the fact that women are only with them in order to get something. A man would rather give up oral sex than be used and manipulated. If you express yours to him "gratitude" all in order to get something in return, it is better to give up the same. It will come back to you like a boomerang every time.
And here we come to another secret for men. Do you know the best way to show a man that you really appreciate him? You may not believe me, but I have researched this and it has proven to be generally true. Men want to experience how their women experience pleasure. It is an extraordinary and attractive thing in the world of men. It doesn't just mean pleasure in bed, but it can be as simple as laughing at his jokes, smiling when he does something weird, or saying "Mmm." when he brings you chocolate.
It is as simple as enjoying life in his presence. He loves and lives everything in order to please you both in bed and out of it. I knew a woman whose husband kept complaining about how much money she was spending on clothes. She was a beautiful woman, with a beautiful figure, and it was obvious that clothes were her weakness. There was a long period of disagreement and bickering between them, until finally, she gave up and said "Good. I'm not buying any more clothes until you do."
What happened? She found that her husband was much more generous to her than she had been to herself. He took her shopping, and she bought the kind of beautiful dresses she had previously been afraid to afford because their prices clashed with her clothing spending budget. Instead of sneaking out and going shopping to fill her closet, she allowed him to give her that pleasure. This in turn gave him pleasure, and the result was better than he had imagined.
The same goes for in bed with your man. What is the best way you can please your man in bed? Be relaxed and ready to receive all the pleasure he wants to give you. Don't be shy about asking your man what gives him more pleasure, yours or his. You will be surprised by the answer.
He will do everything in bed to make you orgasm, moan, squeal and sigh with pleasure. There is nothing that makes a man more satisfied than seeing his lover's expression melt in his arms as she enjoys the orgasm he has brought her to.
But one thing is clear, men don't want us to perform for him. They are linear, focused, clear and direct, but not stupid. They just know when a woman is acting and not feeling what she is expressing. They just know when a woman isn't being honest in bed, and they know if you're pretending or feigning pleasure you're not experiencing, if they won't tell you.
All of this leads us to two things that we can do in order to pay attention and make our man feel respected.:
- Find out what does he want
- Ask him for what you want. I know it sounds paradoxical, but the greatest pleasure a man can get from you is to make you satisfied and happy. This applies to both in and out of bed. And of course rule number three will be:
- Thank him for all the things you wanted and he made it possible for you. It's so simple, and yet there are so many women who have no idea what they want, or know what they want but don't have the guts to ask for it...and then, if they get it, they feel so embarrassed that their requests were put first so they're hard to say "thank you".
What you need to remember is that a woman's pleasure is the secret ingredient to a man's satisfaction. He wants to see that everything he does, everything he strives for, everything he has to offer is appreciated by his woman, whether it's seeing her expression when she opens a gift, or the sparkle in her eyes when she bring flowers or the expression on her face when she has an orgasm.
But what if my husband doesn't do this type of thing" you will say. Find out what he's up to, right now. No matter how small what he does seems to you. Does he throw out the trash? Thank him. Does he wash his plate after eating? Thank him. Does he take the baby to babysit for an hour? Thank him.
I don't care if you asked him to do it or if it was something he did "he should do it for which you will have reason to thank him later"? Thank him.
Find that spark of gratitude in your heart, and give it to him. The more you do this, the bigger the fire will burn between you.
Now, there is a caveat about pleasing men. A woman should be able to express her pleasure and enjoyment without criticizing and belittling him throughout the process. In other words, there shouldn't be "BUT and I" in addition to "thanks to you."
“Thank you for washing your plate...BUT you could have put it in the dishwasher."
"Thank you for taking care of the baby for an hour...BUT you didn't change his diapers."
"Thank you for taking the trash to the dumpsters...BUT, you forgot to close the back door."
That "BUT" it will serve as a denial of your gratitude. It's like putting money in the bank and withdrawing it at the same moment. You will never make a profit. But what if you are right? And of course, you are right. Do you prefer to feel pleasure or rage? Do you prefer to feel right or to feel loved?
So he didn't put the dishes in the dishwasher, he didn't change the baby's diapers, he didn't close the back door….but he did the dishes, washed the baby for an hour, and took the trash to the dumpsters. Acknowledge and appreciate the little things. The sooner you learn that you will need to see and acknowledge things, because the more you do the more he will give you back.
The hardest part for me is telling him "Thank you" when my needs are not fully met. When I'm feeling empty and unfulfilled, that's the last thing I want to do. When this happens I know that I am not experiencing enough pleasures in my life. I need time to devote to myself. To take a bath, to take a walk simply to give myself a break. Usually, after I do something for myself, that benevolence and gratitude appears in me again.
One of the ways I know how to express my gratitude to my husband is to stand in front of him, put my hand on his chest and say"My wonderful husband….I really respect you for…"
It could be one thing or ten things. In fact, the more the better. And ask any man reading this right now, no matter how silly that part sounds "my wonderful husband". Would he like to have his wife's hand on his chest and have her say such a thing to him with all the love in her eyes? Don't be shy, ask. You might be surprised.
When it comes to respect for men, a woman has everything she needs to express it. She is made for pleasure and he longs to give her every pleasure. It's a really wonderful thing, when it works that way. A woman who is self-confident, who knows what she wants and expresses it without difficulty, who can indulge in real, honest enjoyment and pleasure is on the right track to satisfying the man in her life.
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